Do your arguments or disagreements with your partner seem to last forever? Is it difficult to find a solution to even the smallest issue? In Part 1 of this series, we looked at the habits that we all have that hinder us from finding a resolution to our every day issues in our relationships. In Part 2, we will be looking at some of the ways that we can combat these bad habits.

The majority of couple's disagreements boil down to communication difficulties misunderstandings. A couples counsellor can help couples to see where they are going wrong in their communication techniques and offer different tools to assist them in communicating more effectively.

This blog will cover four of the ways that couples can communicate more healthily during an argument. This is not a full list. However, if you would like more information, please click here.

1. Deal With Issues Calmly:

Many couples will find it easier to discuss an issue when they are calmer and are not as emotionally charged. Some people may choose to retreat to a different area of the house to calm down and gain control of themselves. This can be helpful for both individuals. However, it is suggested to only do this for a short time period. Then, return and discuss the problem calmly while it is still fresh. Leaving a disagreement unresolved for too long can cause deeper issues within the relationship.

Holding hands when having the discussion can keep both partners calm. It lowers negative emotions, increases positive attitudes about the situation, and increases intimacy between the couple. It can be difficult to maintain anger when holding hands with the person you care about!

Couples can also have a signal which they both understand to show that they need to take a break from the argument. Simply saying "time out" can defuse an unhealthy situation. They can try again to continue the conversation when both individuals are calm.

2. Keep The Outcome In Mind:

Many couples that come to counselling have many small issues that they are trying to work out. These small issues may be hindering them from getting to the root cause of the problem. Holding on to the smaller insignificant issues can cause major problems in communication. Couples can also loose track of what they were initially disagreeing on.

It is important for couples to take the time to think about what they would like to see happen at the end of the argument. What is the outcome? When couples are honest about this, they may find that the argument really does not matter or is not as crucial as they believed it to be. They may also discover the bigger picture and the root of their difficulties.

By keeping the outcome at the forefront of the argument, it will keep couples on topic as well as giving them a way of knowing when the argument has been resolved.

3. Taking Personal Responsibility:

A couples counsellor can also assist couples in learning how to take personal responsibility for their own feelings and actions. This is important as many times, couples can make their arguments worse by blaming their partner for their emotions and feelings. This can be hurtful to their partner.

Couples need to recognize the difference between personal attacks towards their partner and stating how their partner's behaviour has made them feel. Too often couples use language that points the finger at their partner, instead of owning their emotions and reactions to a situation.

Instead of saying "You make me so angry." try saying "When you are not listening to me, I feel angry." The speaker is simply saying that certain actions or behaviour upset them. Rather than their partner being the cause of their feelings. This means that blame is not placed on any particular person.

4. Negotiating:

One of the keys to negotiating is that both partners are able to listen to each other and understand each others point of view. This will improve the couple's communication and help them to reach a solution quicker.

Couples will also need to use the above skills in order to negotiate a solution that works for both of them.

The role of a couples counsellor is also to help couples to negotiate through their problems in a manner that is calm and effective. They will work with the couple to discover their outcomes, listen, communicate, understand and resolve the issue.

Conclusion:

Many couples face difficulties and arguments are a normal part of being in a relationship. However, when arguments occur too often, they can be detrimental to the relationship.

In Part 1, we talked about the habits that we can sometimes show that make arguments worse and a solution harder to find. In Part 2, we discussed four of the techniques and tools to assist couples in finding solutions to their issues.

It is important for couples to remember that they are not alone in their arguments and that there is always help available. By reaching out to a couples counsellor service such as Elpis Box Couples Counselling, you can get the support that you need to find hope and healing in your relationship! Feel free to look through my website and complete your FREE Consultation Form online.