6 Ways that a Couples Counsellor Can Help Your Relationship!
6 Ways that a Couples Counsellor Can Help Your Relationship!
After years of being in relationships that did not work, I finally understand why and how I can help others! In this blog post you will learn about the ways that a couples counsellor can help your relationship!
At 19 years old, I began the adventure of dating. Along the journey, I had come across many experiences which led me to my current career path. My relationships did not seem to last very long on average and I always wondered why this was. I though I was a “great catch: and worth any mans time and attention! However, they did not seem to stick around or they did not meet my expectations within the relationship.
I have been married for nearly 5 years at the time of writing this. Over the years, my passion for helping other couples and individuals through difficult times in their personal lives has grown tremendously. I would find myself assisting family and friends with their relationship problems and being a listening ear when they felt that their partner was unable to do so. From my own personal examples and the examples of those who I have come into contact with, I have come up with 6 ways that a Couples Counsellor can help your relationship!
1. Communication Difficulties:
Many of us are familiar with being in a relationship with someone and you just cannot seem to get to grips with what you are both trying to say. This can be during an argument or just in general conversation with each other. The ability to communicate effectively as men and women can be difficult. Especially when we have differences in opinion.
I remember when I was in one of my longest relationships. We both struggled to discuss how we felt and be truly honest with our feelings. I would have to write down how I was feeling in a letter. He would be able to read it in its entirety without being able to comment or argue - i was not present when he would read my letters.
When couples find ways of communicating that works for both of them, they are better able to understand each other and resolve the issue. There can be less arguments and the situation can remain calm while working on a solution.
2. Life Events:
Life can happen at an alarming rate sometimes, and that can cause a lot of stress within the relationship. Situations such as getting married, having a new baby, job loss, and the death of a loved one can cause difficulties. During this current pandemic, there will be many couples who are struggling in their relationship. This can possibly be due to home learning with children, working from home, taking care of the vulnerable, and any other issues that can arise during lockdowns and changes in circumstances.
In my volunteer role at 7 Cups of Tea, I have many individuals who have struggled during the past few months. This may be due to not being able to see each other, or even meet each other for the first time! This can also cause communication difficulties as discussed in the previous section.
When working with these individuals, I used compassion and understanding to help them get through this time. I believe that with couples counselling you wil be able to gain the skills to work through this pandemic and also be able to get through any other relationship challenges you may face.
3. Fear & Anxiety:
Some of you reading this may know that I am visually impaired. I have no vision in my eft eye and tunnel vision in my right. Due to this, the dating world had additional challenges. I often wondered if someone was with me because of feeling sorry for me or the pure curiosity of dating someone with vision loss. This caused fear and anxiety when starting a new relationship.
Many people face these emotions when it comes to relationships and they may or may not have a disability. Feeing fearful and anxious are normal feelings. However, it is how we deal with them that makes the difference in our lives!
Knowing where your fear comes from and examining your past and current relationships can also help to relieve some of these feelings. It can then foster healthy relationships and you can grow the loving relationship that you disire!
4. Differences in Goals & Values:
Couples should support each other in becoming your “best self.” However, this can be difficult when your goals and values are different. It is normal to have differences in opinion. On the other hand, when these differences create conflict the couple may find it difficult to find a compromise.
During my 20s, I was quite keen to be an educated woman and this was a primary goal and value to me. My partner at the time did not have the same dreams of achievement as I did. We struggled to understand each other and seeing each other’s pint of view. To him, I seemed unavailable when I was studying. To me, he lacked the initiative to reach his goals - which he did have.
I’m not saying that couples who have differences in their values and goals will not be happy and healthy. Every couple has this potential. However, it is important to examine these aspects of yourself and decide if they are a ‘dealbreaker’ in a relationship or not. If not, then you can look at ways to compromise and support each other in a different way.
5. Trust & Commitment Issues:
Have you ever dated someone who did not trust you? Did they want to keep their options open and not put a label on your relationship? Have you been seeing each other for several years and you have not met their closest friends and family? These may be some signs that your partner may have trust or commitment issues.
I believe that communication is key to building relationships and building trust. When you build trust, you can build commitment to to the relationship. Expressing feelings and being open to compromise can also help and show your commitment to your partner. Couples Counselling can help to give you the skills to ask the important questions of yourself and others.
6. Breakups:
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