Most people know that you can have counselling before you get married - Pre-marriage Counselling. However, some people see it as something that religious couples engage in. Others may see it as an indication that there are already problems within the relationship that need to be sorted. However, these are not true! There are many myths about pre-marriage counselling. In this blog, we will be discussing some of them.

Myth #1: Pre-marriage Counselling is for those who are religious.

In many cases, those who come from a religious background may undergo pre-marital counselling with their partner as a prerequiset for becoming married within their culture. During these counselling sessions, they may speak about life as a married couple and its implications from a religious standpoint. For this reason, many people may feel that counselling before getting married is a religious concept.

However, pre-marriage counselling is for everyone who is seeking to be married. It should be noted that not only those who have a religious background can have counselling before marriage. Many of the discussions covered in sessions through any religious group are also covered by a pre-marriage counsellor. It is worth trying out a session or two for yourself to see if it is something that may be of benefit in your relationship before you get married.

Myth #2: Going to a pre-marriage counsellor means that you already have issues in your relationship.

There seems to be a stigma around those who go to counselling and many may feel that if their partner suggested going to counselling before they get married that there are major issues in their relationship. This is not the case at all. Many couples use this time to have a independent person assist them in discussing married life and the expectations that they may have. There may also be fears and anxiety around getting married that a counsellor can also help both individuals work through.

There may not be any issues within the relationship at all. Going to a counsellor may also give you a safe space to go when issues do arise. You will be able to speak to your counsellor when you need to and they will also recall your history. They can be there to support you from the begining and also when things become difficult.

Myth #3: Pre-marriage Counselling will take too long and we don't want this to hold off our wedding.

It is a misconception that pre-marrital counselling will take a long time and will potentially push back a couple's wedding plans. As with any kind of counselling, it depends on the issues that the couple or individual have. The counsellor as well as the couple will decide on how long the sessions will last. The couple or individual also have the right to end counselling if they wish. You are also able to continue counselling after your wedding if you wish.

Some couples also worry about the cost of counselling. There are charities that offer free counselling as well as affordable options. You can also get counselling through the NHS on an individual basis if you feel that this would be better for you. Remember, you do not have to attend counselling with your partner. Counselling can also be benefitial to your relationship even with just one person attending.

Myth 4: Going to counselling is a sign of weakness.

Many couples or individuals may feel that going to speak to someone about the difficulties that they are facing is a sign of weakness. Many may also feel that they do not want to ”air their dirty laundry” with a stranger.

In reality, it is quite the opposite! Many people seek counselling for many different reasons. Recognising that their may be issues within your relationship and seeking out help is a sign of strength. You are taking the first step to healing your heart and your relationship. This should be commended and you should feel proud!

Counselling sessions are confidential unless the counsellor is required by law to disclose information or someone’s safety is at risk. This means that your sessions will not be discussed with others. You can be reassured of this. It also helps to have someone who does not know you or your family personally to speak with as they can bring new insight and perspective.

Myth 5: Only those with very serious difficulties seek counselling.

This final myth is again a misconception. You do not have to be going though major difficulties to attend couples counselling. Many people who engage in pre-marriage counselling have no issues at all. However, they may use this time to prevent problems from arising.

Couples may discuss how they may want the marriage to be conducted, their expectations, and feelings around children and housekeeping. The counsellor can act as a mediator to facilitate a discussion. It also may help the couple to stay on topic and keep things calm.

Along the way, couples can learn different techniques to communicate effectively, show and receive love, and ways to keep their relationship healthy and strong. These are all aspects of our lives that we can all improve on!

Final Thoughts:

Getting married can be the most exciting and most stressful part of a couple’s life together. Many may focus on the wedding itself and neglect the growth of the relationship. Speaking to a couples counsellor before you tie the knot can help to iron out any current issues as well as prevent problems down the road of marital bliss. It can be heretical to the growth of the couples and set them up for success in the relationship!

If you would like to attend pre-marriage counselling with me, please do not hesitate to get in contact via email: kristina@elpisboxcounselling.co.uk. You can also go to my website and complete your FREE Consultation Form!

I wish you all the best in your upcoming wedding and the happiest life together!